learning japanese and other things

Watashi wa Joan desu.

I’m trying all sorts of online sessions on learning common Japanese phrases, from YouTube to private websites. Some of it I already know, some are tongue-twisters! The speaking part I can already pull off, but the reading, hayay!

I have 2 months to learn useful phrases and actually understand possible replies. I would also have to learn reading road signs, grocery labels, etc. The rest I will have to learn through experience. Does experience means getting lost in the train station because I took the wrong one? Yikes! But with my learning curve, I think I can actually survive (I think).

Wakaranai 😐

It’s also an advantage to have friends who actually passed the Nihongo aptitude exam, studies Nihongo (did not take the exam) and watch JDorama (myself included). Yay! I should ask them for a list I can bring with me. (Note to self: ask them :p) I should also have my little Jap blackbook (another note to self: buy one!) where I can doodle words I see on street.

*sigh* So many things to do, so little time. Anyhow, I have to make time 🙂

I have to start putting down these notes. Sooner or later I have to do them. For now, I’ve been doing things that pop first in my head. Thus, the seeming agitation. 2 months is a short time for planning and doing. It’s long for someone who’s waiting. That I am both. Add to that present responsibilities then it’s a compound of stress.

But I am still excited with the prospects of the future. Gambarimasu! Hayayay! 2 months, 2 months!

One step at a time. One step at a time. Relax Joan.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Joan will pay off her debts (a part of it, sorry kuya), will have a shiny set of teeth (thanks to my tita/dentist) and will have a new hairstyle (ten, my hair guru)! Can’t wait!

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can’t wait for Mr. October

Can August and September be much faster? I’ve been trying to kill time since May, not having money makes it a bum. But it’s good to have friends who know how to chill with little money. And thank god for Eiga Sai and Fifa World Cup 2010 (waka, waka, eh, eh)! It makes waiting bearable.

October be kind and come a little faster. I know it means that I have to work double time with assignments, papers and reports. The hell, I don’t mind! If it means, visa approved, all my luggage packed and ticket reserved. It is definitely worth it!

I’ve been browsing Mr. Google for hours, trying to get a glimpse of life ahead. Actually I’ve been browsing for a long time, imagining the apartment, the potential expenses, the neighborhood site. I told myself not to get excited. But who wouldn’t be? It’s a life away from home.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I love and will definitely miss my friends. I never imagined my life without all of them. But I wanted change. Not change to get away from them, but change to get away from what I am becoming.

Come to think of it, I’m more afraid of what I am not becoming 😦

So please Mr. October be nice and knock on my door.

I’ll be waiting.

sexting sexist sexuality

A friend after watching Dan Savage’s thoughts on the moral outrage against sexting, IM’d “ayaw ko ata magka sex tape” (translation: I don’t think I want to have my own sex tape). LOL.

But Dan made a strong point how the moral outrage against it is “outrageously sexist and generationally clueless”. As pointed out in my last post, if women expresses sexuality, in this case through text messages or worldwide web, it is considered as perversion. Young women are ostracized and degraded. Photos will automatically spread like wild fire. Videos uploaded/downloaded. Gossips are sonically reproduced. Dan’s words are “communal property”. Case in point in his discussion was, why is the girl who sends someone a photo of her “tits” the only one suspended while the entire school literally is a culprit to its proliferation. If the crime is spreading the photo, everyone should be penalized.

There is also, the yet again, generation gap issue. He said that the controversy around sexting is because of the generational paranoia where young people are doing things that older people did not experience in their own time i.e. Elvis Presley. Dan said that in the future everyone will have a sex tape (thus, my friend’s reaction) and it will be a non-issue (but really a non-issue to whom or for whom?). In this “exhibitionist culture”, everyone has a picture of something, “obscene” or not, in the web. But does it equate to young women being less deprived, more freedom to express sexuality, gender balance? Would focus on tits be less, and more cocks will be shown in the web? Will young women be able to transcend this generational gap of inequalities?

Dan Savage was able to put his cents worth in the whole issue of sexting. He has so many other things to say. I love hearing him say them. I hope to hear yours too.

perversion and sexuality: there’s a big difference

If we based it on social norms, I will be or I am a pervert.

Hah! The revelations! Ecstatic emotions! Sighs and moans!

It has always been a taboo to talk about your sexuality, let alone announce to the word you have found your vagina (Hallelujah!). But sexuality is a topic that perks my interest. It’s like caffeine or uppers, it makes me high! I have been talking about my sexuality ever since I met this insane, most of the time ridiculous, group of young women, who loves talking about them.

I remember our usual Friday Vagina attack at Que Rico’s, shouting “Pekpek!” “puki” “asexual ka no?” or any other random thoughts we can come up with. We confide about our so-called “sex life” or the lack thereof. We share trade secrets on how to turn men/women on. Talk about how we turn ourselves on. Or how some of us has no emotions towards anything perceived to be sexy, alluring or hot.

Our banters often get snide looks from other women, a mischievous smile from the opposite sex and nonchalance from others. The hell we care, we love talking about it! (Giggle)

(Mind you, it’s not all we talk about.)

Back to the topic at hand, I am a pervert (or so society assumes). I listed some facts that made me one:

1. I get aroused by hot, European football players. Who wouldn’t be?? One of the main reason I religiously watched World Cup 2010 was because almost everyone is hot. Sorry, I can’t think of anything witty to say, but they’re hot. Sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, laglag panty! And again sorry, I know I had watched it for the wrong reasons.

2. I watch and read erotica. I have several issues of LitErotika. Ito ay isang “mapagpalayang edisyon ng sekswalidad, sining at lipunan”. Kung saan kailangan “buksan at paliparin ang guni-guni at pantasya”. Reading them is like reading your own stories published and shared. Most of the settings I am familiar with and characters almost same as my peers. I would have to say that some are just plain non-sense but other parts are really, really educational. Haha. And there are also erotica films; I have to limit myself to non-pornographic films. Some are just filthy and degrading, copies you can buy in Baclaran or Quiapo. Erotica is of a different level (kung sa social ranking, bourgeois!).

3. I had been in the past involved in some kinky text swapping/instant messenger steamy chat. I only tried it twice. I don’t do it regularly and I never tried EB! Most of the time it’s hilarious. Of course I don’t include LOLz and ROFL in my messages! I consider this my stress releaser. Sometimes messages are so funny, I can die of laughter (literally). I even got a proposal! Yay! But words of caution, take it seriously and you will be hooked.

4. You know what guys usually do in the morning, inside the shower or when they are all alone, I do it too. Yes, women are capable of pleasuring themselves. We don’t need you to be satisfied. Finger power!

5. I know where my vagina is. Yes, I searched for it. At first I was hesitant. It’s tasking to actually put an effort to look for something that’s already there. That’s the thing, we know it’s there but do we actually acknowledge the fact that it’s not only there to be kept there? Somehow I felt an urgency to recognize that my vagina is there, and it has a purpose. It’s not a pretty sight. But I love my vagina nevertheless.

Come to think of it now, if this list will be the basis of being a pervert, almost all my friends are pervs! Haha!

But on a more serious note, it is oppressive to be called a pervert just because you know and understand your sexuality. It is demeaning to think that women are stoic, nincompoop, airheads who romanticize sex. We are people too. We have the right to express our selves in the way we want. We also get pleasure into reading, watching and discovering endless sexual possibilities. It does not make us less of a person to actually do those things. It makes Us a Person.

To qualify perversion, in my own terms, it requires a sexual insult or assault to the opposite sex (maybe towards a man or a woman). It places that opposite sex in a position of discomfort. It offends people. Those I listed above does not seem to offend anybody (except maybe the Church, but that’s a different issue), nor am I assaulting or insulting anyone. There is no degrading act. I am simply, a sexual person, comfortable in my own skin. Being sexual is never wrong.

So, I am not a pervert after all. (Or so I think, hahaha!)

break-up makes the best of me :)

Recently, vanity is taking over. I have this sudden urge to look and feel better. A friend commented, “bet you’re going on a date”. Nah!

I wanted it for myself. Being in 2-year relationship made me realized I never really took care of myself. Never felt beautiful or wanted. Never really get much flattery. Most of the time, I felt like Plain Jane. I never felt the urgency to dress up or look better. In his terms, he wants me “seksik” (its a play of words, sexy and siksik). He said I might look for another man, if I decided to be sexier or prettier. WTF?!? He can’t seem to comprehend wanting to look better for one’s self.

Coming to terms now, I want to be spectacular. Haha.

So here’s a list of things I want to do when I get that salary (yeah, money can be a hindrance):

1. Nail Art. I’ve been growing my nails longer than I usually does. I saw this awesome photos of nail art and I want one for myself. I know, it’s weird, it’s expensive, the hell! I want it. I have to canvass how much it is first though. Might be too expensive :p I’m thrifty that way.

2. Bangs! I want a new haircut. To be honest, I’m afraid of salons. Whenever I sit to one them stool, and the hairdresser starts to ask questions, I repeatedly say “trim lang teh.” My hairstyle had been the same for the longest I remember. So now, I am trying to build enough confidence to go with that bangs. Please. Please. Please. Give me enough strength. Time to face my fears.

3. Vamp up my wardrobe. I’ve been trying not to wear my typical tees and venturing to more colors, accessories and blouses. I still love my tees as they are the most comfortable, but I think with maturity comes dresses and skirts, and high heels. (Yeah Right!) I’ve been rummaging through old stuff and been in and out of ukay-ukay. I am thinking of redesigning old jeans and shirts. Even thinking of doing a little funk’d your attire workshop with myself.

I want to add, exercise and diet to this equation, but that would demand a real lifestyle change so I would stick to this simple aesthetic changes. Hahaha.

Break-ups can really do wonders. Yey! Can’t wait.