How do I begin a story when I don’t even know when it will end?
I have been pondering and wondering a lot. I told myself even before coming here that this would be my contemplation, like prayer springing from my soul. It has been rather mundane, most of the time lonely. But I readied my self for this, but all those preparation has been in vain.
Don’t worry because really I don’t.
It’s just that most of the time, I find myself wanting to write. To narrate stories told as I see them. But it’s not possible. I am not that kind of writer. I know my limitations, and telling stories is one of them.
But I have this. I have dalisay liwanag to tell stories for me, captured in this momentous click of technology. I am grateful for her existence. I am indebted to her perseverance.
Dalisay liwanag is the extension of my self. She is me and I am her.
Sitting here in front of my laptop, I wonder what she thinks of me. What she makes of me? She might be thinking I am some kind of delusional young person, trying to make sense of herself. That’s what I think of me most of the time.
But anyway, enough about the drama! I am becoming more bipolar than the conventional. :p
Today, same as the last 12 days has been uneventful. I see myself peeping into other people’s life stories, trying to understand how this society works. It seems it’s no different than us. It’s just that they bow their heads more. They quite fashionable and well, they have nice skin. :p But really, Japanese, despite their history, seems to be the same as everyone else. They’re human beings (who don’t like speaking in English). But I know there’s more to it than what I see or have been observing. There is a certain grace in what they do. And they seem to enjoy having roles, conforming without being identical. I am not sure.
Anyway, I have less than a year to know and understand.
See? I don’t know how to write. My ending is very far from where I started. I don’t make sense at all. I seem to be just talking to myself. Crazy.
P.S. I got myself a copy of Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club! Yay! 🙂