I have a different plan for my life 5 months ago (if you can call traveling to wherever my feet takes me as a plan). I got the biggest surprise when I got two lines in 3 pregnancy test kits (yes, just to make sure), which was then confirmed via ultrasound that I was, in deed, 4 weeks pregnant (the medical term is gestational age).
I’m in my 26 weeks now. And to be honest, despite constant back aches, frequent bathroom breaks and extreme bowel movements (from constipation to diarrhea), I’ve been having it easy. Well, constipation and hemorrhoids is never easy! But what I mean is that, pregnancy being a life altering experience to most women, it seems that these changes are actually good, if not the best things that had happened to me.
I have tons of fears. I do. Am I really financially ready? Am I emotionally ready? Will I travel less now? Will my performance at work be affected? Will I be a boring friend? Can I make it as a single mom? Will I be a good mother? Can I give my baby girl (yes, my imagined life came true, yay!) a bright future? I have those questions running around my mind 24/7. Every week that passes and the nearer I get to my due date, the more uncertainties there are. But I still feel that I have it easy.
Or maybe because I conditioned myself that despite all of these fears and constant challenges I face everyday, I’d rather give my baby all my energy. All my positive energy. And I do remember answering a colleague’s question on how am I, him pertaining to my pregnancy, that I am actually good. I told him, I still don’t know what to do beyond giving birth though. But I guess I’ll know soon enough.