So Bakotoy is now 19 weeks old. And I am now back to work.
One night when I was nursing her, I suddenly had these random thoughts:
- Maiksi lang ang pisi ko pag dating sa ibang bagay. Kaya nagugulat na lang ako na kahit sipain, lawayan, gisingin o iyakan lang ako ng iyakan ni Bakotoy eh di ko kayang magalit o mainis sa kanya. Kasama na siguro yun noh? Ginawa mo, panindigan mo!
- Fear and awe. Yan ang nararamdaman ko tuwing tinititigan ko siya sa madaling araw.And I don’t think mawawala ito any time soon.
- I made big and random decisions for her that I would never even consider before. And I will continue making them for her and with her when she’s able to make them.
- Isa lang sa birth plan ko ang nasunod. Room-in siya kaagad. Ito ay pagkatapos ng mahabang labor na nauwi sa emergency CS. Lesson? Mag unang yakap agad pero bigyan mo rin ang sarili mong mag-recover beyond recovery room time. Or better kung may next time pa, VBAC!
- Take as much suggestions from people around you. Pero sa huli, ikaw ang nanay. And ultimately, ikaw ang magdedesisyon.
- Not doing what other people “suggests” does not make you an asshole. Not listening to them will.
Mothering and motherhood is a lifetime job. It requires full commitment. It requires that you make decisions that may or may not be favorable for other people. But that’s okay. How I do things, is how I do things. I have no right to judge how other mothers mother. I can only judge myself (with note that I should not be harsh to myself too).We have our own journey in ensuring that our children becomes the best version of themselves, and if not, to love them anyway.
My cute little bunny ❤