On mothering and motherhood

So Bakotoy is now 19 weeks old. And I am now back to work.

One night when I was nursing her, I suddenly had these random thoughts:

  • Maiksi lang ang pisi ko pag dating sa ibang bagay. Kaya nagugulat na lang ako na kahit sipain, lawayan, gisingin o iyakan lang ako ng iyakan ni Bakotoy eh di ko kayang magalit o mainis sa kanya. Kasama na siguro yun noh? Ginawa mo, panindigan mo!
  • Fear and awe. Yan ang nararamdaman ko tuwing tinititigan ko siya sa madaling araw.And I don’t think mawawala ito any time soon.
  • I made big and random decisions for her that I would never even consider before. And I will continue making them for her and with her when she’s able to make them.
  • Isa lang sa birth plan ko ang nasunod. Room-in siya kaagad. Ito ay pagkatapos ng mahabang labor na nauwi sa emergency CS. Lesson? Mag unang yakap agad pero bigyan mo rin ang sarili mong mag-recover beyond recovery room time. Or better kung may next time pa, VBAC!
  • Take as much suggestions from people around you. Pero sa huli, ikaw ang nanay. And ultimately, ikaw ang magdedesisyon.
  • Not doing what other people “suggests” does not make you an asshole. Not listening to them will.

Mothering and motherhood is a lifetime job. It requires full commitment. It requires that you make decisions that may or may not be favorable for other people. But that’s okay. How I do things, is how I do things. I have no right to judge how other mothers mother. I can only judge myself (with note that I should not be harsh to myself too).We have our own journey in ensuring that our children becomes the best version of themselves, and if not, to love them anyway.

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My cute little bunny ❤

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