Below the Line

My 2-month long service leave will officially ends in less than a week. Looking back at what I set myself to do, I said I wanted to (1) spend more time in nature, (2) go somewhere new, and (3) do good. Not the SMARTest objectives, I know. And if I assess it vis-a-vis what I did, I’ll give myself a “below the line”.

Half of the time is spent at home, trying being a stay-at-home-mom (epic fail), help around the house (more like lounge around) and basically trying to do nothing (workaholics unite!). A feat for someone who practices zero inbox and always on field work.

I’ll be lying if I didn’t say that the other half of this sabbatical is about me. Conceited and selfish? Maybe.

You see, the last 3 years is navigating motherhood. Establishing what kind of parent I want to be. Building safety nets. Motherhood and parenting is new that’s why I gave myself space and time to be able to learn the ropes, so to speak. It’s never ending so now I’m planning to just wing it!

I now feel that I have more space to do personal pampuso endeavors. I should not let other parts of my life on hold. And that’s alright.


In the course of 40 working days (I have 4 more remaining), I facilitated a workshop while my daughter tagged along. I got myself waxed all over. You read that right. The last time was a day before I went into labor. I watched plays and movies, went to museums. I’ve expanded my social circle. Hello, Tinder! Malaia and I have done 2 collaborative artwork. I’ve got new pasta recipes. I’m learning to play the ukulele while learning with friends. You’ve probably seen my home videos. And I finally able to let go and accept that some things are not meant to be. And again, that’s alright.

I failed reaching my objectives. But I gained so much more. Cliche, but true.

I’m down to 4 working days. And I am excited as hell to get back to work. But for now, let me smother my daughter some more.



Information that Matters

It’s about sharing information that matters.

In an era where most people are connected, in one way or another, in various social networking sites like Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Facebook, one must wonder what kind of information are actually getting shared. We are glued in 24/7 in these sites, constantly browsing for things that will spike up our interests. Liking, reblogging, retweeting and commenting on things we find relevant. Relentlessly trying to make sense of stories sometimes far far away.

It might sound like a futile exercise. Sitting in front of a computer. Holding a tablet. Browsing your smartphone. But it actually gives you power in what kind of message you put out in the world. It is ordinary, but nevertheless, powerful.

What I’m trying to say, which I’m having a hard time explaining (disclaimer: I haven’t blogged for such a long time), think before you share anything with your friends, family or acquaintances. Make sure that it is an information that matters. Read or watch it first before you share it. Understand the message you want to share with them that you can have meaningful discussions afterwards. I am a victim of sharing and liking links that I haven’t actually really “click”. What I realized is that I am missing a lot of good insights and points. That I am becoming a prophet with false messages. Be responsible to the messages you put out in the world. Use it properly and wisely.

But of course, some spoofs and gags are good too at times 😀

Happy Earth Day!

This post got nothing to do with Earth Day. But just a trivia, Earth Day is a global celebration of the evolution of environmental consciousness. It sprung from the idea that with heightened public participation in political arena (anti-war sentiments), environmental preservation and conservation can be mainstreamed too in the international agenda.

So enough about Earth Day. I forgot, it is also Good Friday for us Catholics, long vacation for some. But since I’m here in Japan, it’s just any other day. But I’m doing my part, I may not be technically a practicing Catholic, but this Holy Week, I decided to lose meat for a week. Traditionally, its only in Good Friday that you’re supposed to fast (that’s my family’s tradition). So committing for a week without meat is actually a tough decision for me.

As long term commitment too, I decided to list 60 new things I should do while I’m here. You may call it boredom, depression or excuse. But for me, making this list will somehow save my soul. I’ve been in the ruts for these past few months, refusing to go out, staying at my lowly apartment everyday, starting a fight with my boyfriend, not communicating with my friends and crying for no real reasons.

I still have 162 days in Japan. So 60 items in the list is actually possible. Some are actually pending plans. Things that I kept postponing because… actually, there’s no reasons! Haha! So here is my 60 New Adventures.


  1. Go to Denden Town
  2. Go to Koshienhama by bike
  3. Go to Sake Brewery Museum
  4. Try a new restaurant
  5. No Facebook for one day (I know! Only 1 day! I’m that pathetic)
  6. Go to Nara-koen
  7. Plant and maintain a mini-garden
  8. Eat vegetables for a week
  9. Learn a new Japanese meal
  10. Drink beer in a bar (I don’t have nightlife here)
  11. Make an art project for a week
  12. Try Popin Cookin and video it
  13. Make a scrap book
  14. Write a letter to a complete stranger and drop it in their mailbox
  15. Send postcard to a family member
  16. Send postcard to at least 5 friends: Sent 3 Cards, 2 more!
  17. Don’t smoke for one whole day
  18. Read a book in a park
  19. Borrow 2 books in the library and finish it in a week
  20. Go to Tokyo
  21. Sit in a park, list all people who pass by and rate them
  22. Go on a dice tour. Leave the house without any money and single dice. Walk straight ahead and at every junction throw a dice. 1 or 3 go right. 2 or 4 go left, 5 or 6 go straight. Do this for an hour or two.
  23. Say yes to any question any person will ask me.
  24. Give some old clothes a new life. DIY!
  25. Write a letter to someone using cut-out letters. And mail it!
  26. Post 20 “I think your bike is hot” to 20 random coolest, hottest bikes I see around. Take a photo and blog about it.
  27. Go on an alphabet walk. Pick a letter of the alphabet and find as many things as I can that begin with that letter. Or, try to find something that begins with each letter of the alphabet.
  28. Watch a new movie in Gardens
  29. Buy a puzzle, and finish it in one sitting
  30. Treat yourself with an aromatherapy bath
  31. Go for an exhibition
  32. Listen to podcasts for a day
  33. Go to Infiorata (April 29 – May 1)
  34. Do yoga
  35. Eat lunch in a park
  36. Bike to Shukugawa
  37. Bike to Tarakazuka
  38. Sound trip outside the house
  39. Order Pizza for myself
  40. Schedule an online drinking session with one of my friends
  41. Picnic with friends
  42. Re-learn cartwheel
  43. Attend church, even once
  44. Make my own coloring book and color them
  45. Wear a dress to school
  46. Seriously learn Pidjin
  47. No rice for a week
  48. Write a thank you note to 5 people, either email or snail mail
  49. Perfect 5 origami
  50. Go out and buy something ultra sexy for myself (for future use :p )
  51. Continue saving for my Solomon Island visit
  52. Start saving for TUITION FEE! Goal: 40,000 Yen! (It pays to be on scholarship :p )
  53. Learn a breathing exercise
  54. Learn a new dance move
  55. Say “THANK YOU” to all things that I am thankful for every night.
  56. Randomly message someone online, and compliment them (20 times)
  57. Fashion a different hairstyle for a day (twice)
  58. Watch a concert, gig, play, etc.
  59. Leave inspirational messages (in Japanese) on books in the library
  60. Play outside

Every task done, I will blog here. Gambarimashoo!

Note: Laughing out loud here, I blog for myself. That’s hilarious :p

as soon as the first petal falls

It seems that as fast as cherry blossom blooms comes the dreadful raindrops. I am not a fan of rain. Least to say, rainy weather makes me lonesome. Sometimes I really do wonder when spring will really come.

Starting tomorrow I would start counting days. Days left before my real departure from this country. Don’t confuse my words, Japan has been an interesting travail. It has been so far the longest time I’ve been to a foreign country. But somehow my feelings are that I’m stuck. My mind flows from one time warp to another. But my body physically limited to this small space.

People give advise of travelling far. I would love to, really I would. There is more to be witnessed in this part of the world. I haven’t even been to Tokyo! (What a travesty! LOL!) Just imagine that. But for some reason, I cannot settle both my feet down knowing that I will leave in just a few months. My feet are itching to explore, but somehow, not this country. Not at this time.

Gosh I need a new project!! I just need something to do to take my mind from counting seconds. I am that bored. Before I blame winter (although I was quite happy experiencing my first snow), now I blame rain. But I need to stop blaming flimsy weathers! I need to get my act down. And just start living. It would be temporary. But still it’s my life. I don’t aspire it to be exciting, I just want it to be awesome. Awesome enough not to make me feel like a retard.


I know. I know. I don’t make sense. And I jump from one thought to another. But can you really blame me? I told you before. I don’t have anyone really to talk with.

‘Cause I Got Nothing Better To Say

Most of the time I find myself talking about the most mundane things of all, stories of my life. It is nothing exciting. Sometimes, I think that people around me is bored with what I have to say. But it seems that I can’t stop talking. It’s not that I don’t want to stop, it’s just that I can’t.

Talking or sharing things to people clears my mind. It put things into perspective. If I ever stop talking, my mind will burst into pieces, and nothing will make sense. It would make life more complicated as it is. Talking in a sense, gives logic to my thoughts. Saying it out loud, gives clarity to a rather complex, but still mundane existence.

I know a lot of people hate me. Well, hate is too much a word, maybe irritated with me when I talk too much. I don’t blame them. If I can stop myself I would. Sometimes, I can hear myself with other’s ears, and I just hope I can shut my mouth up. But like I said, it’s near impossible.

Although there are times when I would rather listen to music than talk.  But when I do, I tend to sing aloud. Which I think is more irritating than me talking. Some would say I have rather nice voice, but still singing out loud is more than what other people can take. And again, I don’t blame them.

So what’s the point of all this blabbering? Well, first is that I don’t have anyone really to talk with (because they don’t want to talk to me anymore). Second is that, well, since no one wants to talk with me, I would rather to talk to an imaginary audience. It sounds pathetic, I know. Like I have any other choice.


almost new year :)

This will be my last blog for this year, 2010.

Most Filipinos have this belief that whatever you do in the eve of the new year would likely be your life for the rest of that particular year.

I’m in front of the laptop, and it would seem that most of the coming days my life would be in front of this machine. Or at least my life will be “on-line”. Lol. But it would be my preparation for making things happen.

Anyway, I just want to join th bandwagon of bloggers who posts before new year. Lol.

2011, see you soon!

Happy New Year everyone!

Let’s live life simply 🙂

My life with you as I imagined it

I never really share any of my dreams to anyone. My fantasies always remain in my head, locked during the day and unwrapped during the night. But this particular dream, I want to share with you because it is something I really want to happen. And it will only come true with you by my side, pursuing the tremendous ambition of our future together.

Let me begin by describing to you our home.

I dream living in a small house that is just about right for our little family. I imagined further living up the hill with views of sunset and paradise. I imagined it to be the same place where you took that photo of your village, with its magnificent sight. I want a home where I can sit forever staring at the great expanse of life while having long conversation with you.

I want us to dream together as dreamers would under the sky.

I also imagined our house to have a small patch of garden. I want us to grow vegetables and maybe some fruits too. Funny, because growing up I never really have my own garden. I never really know how to make things grow, but somehow I can tell, you would teach me how. But please be very patient with me, I may not have a green thumb.

One reason why I want a garden where we can pick our own food is because I want our children to eat healthy food. I don’t want them to be like me (their mother) who only started eating vegetables when I was in high school. I don’t want them to be choosy with food. I want them to learn to appreciate blessings from our soil. I am not asking them to be vegetarians (unless they choose to be one), but I want them to taste life’s blessings.

I also want a space where our children can freely run as wild as children should. I want a space for them to learn about Mother Earth first hand. I want them to discover how wonderful and beautiful our natural environment is, and early on, I want them to learn to be Earth’s stewards. I want to imbibe with them what we are as adults are struggling everyday, fighting for Earth’s protection.

This is my dream house. But basically, I do not want a house. I want a home where love grows everyday.

Now let me describe to you our children and how I imagined us to be as parents.

I imagined having two kids. They can be more, if we plan to make our family bigger. But now let me describe to you our first two children.

The eldest will be a baby girl. She will have your hair because I love your curly hair. I want to look at her and see you in her. I want her to move with grace but with confidence. I want her to be strong but still feminine. Our second child, my baby boy (you will always be my big baby) will be strong-willed with convictions. He will always have a protective stance over her elder sister. He will have your height and my smile. But I want him to have your kindness; he can cry and still be a man.

I want our children to be best friends. They can fight too, it is only normal for siblings to have misunderstandings. But I want them to learn from each other. They will also be each other’s teacher, as we promise ourselves to be with one another.

We should teach them to ask questions. We will teach them to be curious. It is only in curiosity that one can really learn. As parents, we should be very patient. We should answer each question with diligence. Never brainwash them about fairytale, but made them idealists who know the truths and realities of life. But we should remind them never be afraid to have dreams either. We are dreamers too, but we always keep one foot down as to remind us the challenge of achieving our objectives. We shall teach them the same thing.

I want our children to be independent. I want them to know what they want and have the guts to pursue them. Don’t worry. We will silently guide them through. But we want them to learn from their own mistakes, and know the consequences of their actions. We will teach them discipline, but we will never use violence in doing so. Physical punishments can never achieve anything. We will reprimand them, gave them our reasons for saying/doing it so, and make them understand.

But as parents, we should also admit when we are wrong. Never be too arrogant to admit our own mistakes. We should be the living examples. Also, we should also learn from our children. Not only them learning from us but us learning from them. We should always be curious too. Never stop learning and re-learning. They say that children always say the most amazing things, and ask the most difficult questions. We should see the world in their eyes sometimes.

It is difficult raising children, but I think it is more difficult raising our selves to be good parents.

Lastly, let me share with you how I imagined our family will be.

Well, actually it’s quite simple. I imagined our family to be full of love, a home where happiness blossoms and springs. It is a family that is not afraid to show their love towards each other. I want our family to have complete trust with one another. Never judging and always understanding.

I want our family to go with your motto: “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. We should always work hand in hand, no matter what struggles the world will give us. Knowing that we have each other, I think we will more than just survive. We will definitely manage it.

So there, that’s how I imagined my life with you. It is not clear yet, as this is just one side of the story. I want to hear what you have to say. I know you already envisioned our future together the same way I did. We are both thinkers and dreamers to begin with. But please do share it with me, and let’s make it both a reality.